Petty thoughts

I'm in the last week of me and the kids, in our house, just us, just me and the bills and dealing with tree branches, clogged drains and leaky dishwashers. I like us. Our little lives of school, play, suppers, bath times and sleepy nights. We like spending time with him and he is a frequent face at our house, school functions and daily grind, but I really wonder how things will change. Leaving aside all religous convictions, because really, I just can't.go.there. I wonder how he will adjust to me sitting in my pjs watching Phineas and Ferb and drinking coffee on Saturday morning till noon, rocking out to all 80's weekends at the top of my lungs, scratching my bum at the kitchen sink while drinking a glass of wine at 2 in the afternoon on Sunday...because...well...I'm an adult and I can. And I wonder, is this normal? Natural? Sixteen months ago I was questioning my ability to do it on my own. And......I did it. In fact, I enjoyed it! My kiddos are so excited and I have no question of if I am doing the right thing. I'm just...well...scared. Is it just the great unknown? I hear Tom Petty in my head nearly every day...'Into the great wide open, under them skies of blue....' I don't remember these questions of bum scratching and cartoonage in any other relationship. Is it age? Am I overthinking?  {that would be CRAZY by the way...I NEver overthink...[cough cough]...} I do know that with just under five days till moving day, I am so excited. I want to live every moment this week, and I think this for most monumental events, with a zest of happiness and most positive leaps I can muster. I know it will never be time again. Someday I will look at this as a tiny baby step, but to me...this second right now...I just want to lose myself in the hope and faith and promise that this life is joining another life on a level I haven't experienced yet. I pray for good things and happy lil kiddos, football and bbq days, winter movie nights on the couch, planting flowers and learning the different between a wrench and a ratchet. That's all I've got tonight. Hope summer is treating you well.

Much Love,

Emily